Dissociation

Dissociation...

My body. The felt perception of beingness on the physical level.

A long journey home, wading through waste lands.

Sometimes marching through that cave I fear to tread. Evil whispers of dark forsaken creatures. Their heavy panting reverberates around the corridors of my soul.

Other times I'm laying waste in the oceans of hell cos I'm too exhausted to keep going, yet some grace always holds me.

It is said that the door to heaven is in the deepest of hells.

This is where the cave will take you if you're brave enough. I was never brave. Only my naivety and a sense of wonder lead me to drink Ayahuasca in the Amazon. I was not brave when the skies were falling and the earths were cracking open into fires. I was not brave when I was shaking in a fetus position for dear life for hours as I watched the light fade into anguish.

But love is brave. Love is strong enough to endure a thousand dark nights of the soul and still come out shining like a shooting star in the infinite night sky.

It is still ashes here and I am not out of the cave yet. I'm getting stronger and I'm feeling more whole. However I can sense the dragon's presence, yet I do not know it's face.

I hesitate, for I do not know if I am ready. Which way do I turn? I must not stray off the path. I cannot see the way, yet I anxiously walk forwards with my broad sword. My legs are trembling. I drop my shield, for it weighs on me. I take out my dagger with my other hand. It shines a white light guiding me home.

And so I walk on.