Inner Child Work

Originally shared on Facebook · 4th March 2023

In January 2020 I went to the Amazon rainforest with the intention of healing and working on myself. Before the first Ayahuasca ceremony began the shaman, Don Gino gently guided me into an inner child regression. I remember looking into the eyes of my 10 year old self, and floating into his mind and soul. I was looking out at 10 year old me’s world. Gino asked me to describe my experience using one word. The word was confused. I faced a lot of horrors during that 10 day dieta. I was also blessed by infinite unconditional belongingness. It was enough to get me through the seemingly endless darkness. But I managed to find a lost episode of my soul’s story, an ember that was glowing so beautifully at the finale of the voyage into the night. It was like a bird song at the twilight of a new world ready to be ushered in by my new found strength and thrill for life.

I felt the strong call to move to Glastonbury to continue the work on myself. For a few months I journeyed through my existence like a Skyrim character receiving and completing quests, being guided by this star to the next making offerings to sacred sites. I was offering my allegiance to the lands. It seems to me that a revolution is brewing here. It’s so important to me to anchor in the light and keep the dark forces at bey. Starting within myself.

Meanwhile I’m continuing to do my own soul retrieval work, and the inner child is an episode that keeps coming up. I remember once during a mushroom ceremony I traveled to a place in my past where I most felt complete. Then the mushroom spirits took me on a journey to the exile lands to see, feel and fully embrace what the child in me has faced for over a decade of abandonment and abuse. I began to affirm to myself the empathy I felt for what he has had to bare the burden of on his own. I could feel trembles radiating from a deep and dark space in the void of my being. I could sense him having a tantrum as the cries echoed up the sides of the abyss. It felt like an earthquake. I opened a loving dialogue with him and invited him to come to me for a hug. He was resistant and untrusting to me. Gradually he opened up to me. He began to show me where he was hurting. I was scared because I was being shown the one place that all my life I’ve been running away from. But I made a commitment to myself to always be there for myself from here on out and never abandon any part of myself again. There was a handing over of a torch ritual taking place inside of me. This sense that we carry this burden together now and you will never be alone again. Man and child. I held him for the rest of the night in my arms as we slowly united as one with the mushroom spirits dancing all around us. He began to peacefully fall asleep on my belly. I felt so proud. For the first time I got a glimpse at what it is to be a dad.

The inner child can often be described as a snapshot of our child self that froze and was left suspended in time. This is usually a result of early developmental trauma. Overwhelming pain we were inflicted by, that we inherited from our ancestral lineage or that was imported in from the culture. We lacked the resources to truly process the events. There are so few conscious leaders and elders to assist on one’s rights of passage that we call childhood. We end up being subject to the conditionings of a redundant collective model of human existence. That’s what we are purging as a species to evolve to the next stage of human development. Sadly due to the lack of bona fide guidance around us we tend to disown the parts of ourselves that are hurting. We end up casting it into shadow. Into unconsciousness. Into exile. We then develop a false self to which we step into leaving everything once beautiful behind. We live a personified life and act in the world a certain way according to what we were taught was acceptable and loveable. We begin to identify more and more with the false and dwindle further and further away from our own Divinity as we forget our true essence. We subscribe to the dark forces that promise greener pastures at a great cost. Extreme peril. The cost of losing oneself.

Perhaps you resonate with what I am sharing here. If you feel the call to do this work, you will not regret it. It may be the most challenging journey of your life. It may last all your life. But please trust me when I say, the rewards are infinite. For the treasure you seek is in the darkness of your being. I suggest you light the way with your soul.

Strength, Courage and Wholeness to All beings of the Light. Yes, you.

🌬️💨🌿🐣