Have You Ever Loved So Much?

The world shines so bright but I fear I cannot reach out to touch her. Is it ok if I smile at you? Just a sideways smirk? I once met a soul who my love for was so strong that I surrendered all my fears. My heart was left sealed shut from my past. I needed someone or something to love. I needed to belong somewhere. I needed motivation to initiate me into caring enough to face this life and all my perils. I needed something worth fighting for. The darkness was seemingly bottomless and my terror was penetrating me paralyzed. But love indeed came to my aid in that hour like a guardian angel, and I became her devotee. But the woman who she inhabited had to leave. She flew off like the dragon she is and love left with her. I had already journeyed so deep into the underworld relying on her fire and I was left in the pits of my deepest shadow realms. Wondering around the wilderness with no torch to illuminate that which lurks amidst the exile lands of disowned parts of my soul. Oh, this part of me. I once loved, but then I fell. Where once was magic now lies sorrow and despair. Distracting myself into Maya once served its purpose. But then the world started to turn grey and transparent. It started folding in on itself into a novel as the book closes with me inside, as I watch and chuckle at myself from atop playing the character. Oh here goes my next line.

I very often feel confused and anxious as I aimlessly wonder around life as I tumble towards my fate, but somehow I am always guided to where I need to be. Could it be so that some part of me actually knows what I'm doing. The world around me burns to rubbles as a new Earth rises in its stead. Yet it is also old and ancient left in-between the lines of the whispers of poetry from another era.

I let go and surrender my fate to the Divine wills. I attempt to control the rudder to steer away from potential threatful forces. Usually this results in me capsising and being swept into the pain anyway as I choke on salty sea water. Unnecessary suffering, but simply a knee jerk reaction. But I make it through. I am brought to the nearby seashores and I cough out the water. The lessons are learned and I become stronger for it. I'm still learning to swim. I am granted more access to bliss within for my heroic devotion.

Love shows up in those I love. I see her in the twinkle in your eyes and I hear her through your silky voice. I taste her nectar, realising my union with her. My heart starts to pound and my visions turn to white. Unconditional love breaks through like the thunders above striking the dams below. The light of bliss anchoring in with the depths of despair. The clustered rocks around the heart starts to crack. It shatters and obliterates across the infinite galaxies, meteors colliding with nearby star systems. In some ways my journey feels like it's been rather clumsy.

I'm an undercover lover from the heart realms but I forgot how to love. It was lost in translation as my DNA merged with this reality's source code. So I turn to those I love. I ask will you remind me? You going my way? Want to share the road? We could put on some funky tunes and drive off into the sinking sunset together.

Have you ever feared losing someone you love so much that you don't even embrace them in the first place? Do they even know you exist? Have you ever pushed someone away because your fear of their rejection bleeds through your love for them? Be brave and devote yourself to this life and what lights you up. Hold on to her hand for a little longer, tug her gently, and then let go of her as you watch her elegantly fade away merging back into Sacred Union. Because it all ends where it begins. Back to love.